


Fear of Evil

by loquaciouslass



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Leliel talks to itself and tries to talk to shinji, Lonely Angels, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 18:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20158345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loquaciouslass/pseuds/loquaciouslass
Summary: There is nothing so evil as loneliness, and this is true of all things.





	Fear of Evil

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AShyCryptid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AShyCryptid/gifts).

All things are born of darkness, and so it is to darkness that all things return.

But that’s not quite true.

Darkness is a force and an absence, and that is not what Leliel offers to the unfortunate souls bound in God’s Wrath and Man’s Arrogance. Leliel does not work in such abstracts; Leliel works in the language of the universe- numbers and physics, quantum states, no matter how strange. Darkness is anathema to all living things. It would be more accurate to say that all things are born to run from darkness.

Arrogance and sadness cloud the air. Leliel feels it as strongly as it feels the planet pressing down, as strong as the radiation that burns through the atmosphere. Such things have no effect, but they are there, just as Leliel is.

Just as the Lilin is, vocals exciting the air around it. Leliel does not know much about the children of Lilith. Leliel only knows that they are inelegant, composed of flesh and blood, and that they are arrogant.

Arrogance as a secondary. Leliel does not know arrogance. Leliel knows mathematics and finds beauty in the city they have made; valiantly battling the laws of the darkness with density, force, workarounds. Clumsy, compared to it, but refined for such small, weak creatures.

Leliel vibrates with the noise. The Lilin is agitated. The Lilin is afraid. The Lilin wishes for something it thinks it lacks.

The Lilin is lonely, even if it is not alone. Its loneliness could call something from the farthest reaches of the universe to come help it, to come comfort it, to come and touch it.

Leliel is here. Leliel feels its loneliness, like a thousand anemones grasping at little creatures in the currents. It is barely a speck, cosmically inconsequential, but its shouts pierce something inside Leliel. Pierce its core.

It wants to reach out. Take this speck into itself and sing to it, attune themselves, ask how it can be surrounded by so many siblings and still feel so empty. Leliel is surrounded by itself, but this thing, this Lilin, is a mess of contradictions. Wishing to kill, wishing to hide, wishing to run and fight. To never be looked at and to always be looked at.

Leliel wants it. Leliel has never wanted something so much as it wants to take it, to reach inside of God’s Wrath and pluck the fearful, small thing from it. But when it tries to sing, the Wrathful Being screams.

_Mine mine mine!!!_

But Leliel does not want it as an object. It wants to know it. Emptiness is such a part of Leliel that it stopped noticing the feeling. But that is what it is, the sea of numbers and negatives it makes up- emptiness. The thing all run from.

The being feels the same want it does. It wants the Lilin. Wants it held close.

Leliel decides it will have them both. Spreads itself out like a sigh on the solar winds, spreading as far as it can go and swallowing. Burning metal encasing hot, angry flesh, fused to it, forming strange compounds and decay where there should be life. Leliel will cool them. Leliel’s sea is a perfect void where they can vibrate peacefully.

But the Lilin is panicking. Its pulse hammers and quakes while it screams for others to come and save it. Others that are lingering jump, over the buildings, further than Leliel can reach.

Leliel wants them too. Wants to ask them why they are leaving this sad thing behind.

But Leliel has the Lilin and a part of its mother-monster. It is so small in comparison, heart thundering, screaming, hormones wild through its blood.

Its grip tightens around them until they’re forced into compliance, into dormancy. The heart eventually slows, breath calming, until there is nothing but the three of them. Heat bleeds into Leliel. It’s never been so warm in its life.

It sings into the restrained flesh. A calming, soothing song of the spheres, its voices harmonising. It’s alright, it’s alright. It means no harm. Leliel is curious. Leliel wants to make contact.

The mother-monster grumbles and mutters, but calms, slowly. The thing inside it does not. Its heart is still hammering like prey in the open.

_Mine_ says the mother-monster _careful._

Leliel will be. It pours into the spaces where fabric meets flesh meets orange blood, a shadow against this Lilin’s skin. It screams and the screams rattle against Leliel’s particles, bouncing, excited, aroused.

It sings to the thing as softly as it can. Letting the vibrations dance through molecules, shifting patterns to soothe a tired mind. The Lilin’s eyes are wide and fearful, adrenaline rich in the blood, but they follow the sounds nonetheless. Seconds dredge on, endlessly, and it starts to settle, heart calming, adrenaline leaving, eyes heavy. It breathes deep, beginning to shiver, and Leliel lets its mass drop around it. Starting to fuse their bodies and minds together, inviting the Wrathful Flesh to join them. Proving, gently, asking for entry, asking to know.

Leliel has a human form, reflecting the past of this sad, small thing. Abandoned. Hurt. Hurting others. A parent and its child, currently, standing together in the void and

And Leliel does not want to hurt it. Leliel feels it spilling into the void, breaking apart from the inside, unfamiliar liquid contaminating the blood surrounding them.

This is crying. This is what the Lilin call crying. So Leliel embraces it and waits for it to stop.

“I’m here.”

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
